Anti-social

I don’t know exactly when it started. Probably it was when I moved to New York. Or perhaps I have always been subconsciously anti-social. I never had difficulty dealing with people. Somehow, I always found a way to handle situations in society. But, to say that I love being around acquaintances is a stretch.

A week ago, an internet friend wanted to meet me while she was visiting the city. I was excited and apprehensive at the same time. All of a sudden, I didn’t know how to interact with someone I barely know. Sure, we shared some secrets in our blogs and exchanged ideas and well-wishes, and I do feel a form of kinship with her. But why was I so scared? In the end, I had dinner with her and all my fears were for naught. Although I am not saying I have overcome my fear of meeting new people, at least meeting F proved that people are really not scary.

Today, a former schoolmate asked me if I wanted to join her and a few others for dinner one Saturday. I had to qualify my “yes”. I so want to reconnect with them, even though I barely knew them back then. But yeah, I’m wondering how I’m supposed to survive the night without embarrassing myself or alienating anyone. Isn’t it weird that at my age I still have stage fright (for lack of a better term)?

So my dear silent readers, whoever you are, please pray for me, that I might come out of this with my dignity intact and without committing a faux pax that would send me in social hibernation for the rest of my life.