(Un)Happy Thoughts

I found this old poem that I wrote from years ago (2013? 2014? 2015?… not sure). When I read it last week I tried to recall the memory attached to it but I couldn’t. Perhaps, there are none. Perhaps, I simply wrote it because it’s a reality for some people. I do find it to be quite profound how certain thoughts that used to make one happy now causes such sadness.

When a happy thought brings tears

You fold it neatly inside a memory 

And hide it under a pile of unrelated moments

You ignore its presence in your mind

And pretend it’s not a big gorilla

That eclipses your own shadow

Each night you push it over the cliff of your subconscious

And hope that for at least a night

It won’t climb up your dreams

As your eyes open to a morning of reminiscences

You blink it away with trivial ideas

And exchange it for shallow, fleeting moments of relief

 

But you delude yourself

You can’t brush it off any more than you can stop a breath

You remember every second, every scene

And as the joy of the memory comes with a gut punch of pain

You sink in a quick sand of wishes

And you go down, down, down

In the hopes that the depths

Would erase what you couldn’t