44 (Update)

Sometime in the year 1998 or 1999, my friends and I were talking about crushes, relationships, and marriage. We were a group of young and giddy girls who knew nothing much about life, let alone men. In an effort to steer us down the right path, our cellgroup leader from church advised us to ask God for the kind of man we’d like to spend the rest of our lives with. She suggested that we write a list of traits (from the most critical to the most petty) that we’d like that man to have, to be as specific with our descriptions as possible, and to not limit God.

I thought it was a great exercise and I came up with a list of 44 items. But I was so convinced that there was no way anyone alive in my generation would have all 44. It was too specific and too ideal, I thought. In my mind, I saw God shaking His head saying, “Oh, you poor thing.” But I decided to believe in the possibility that a man made of flesh and blood with those detailed traits actually exists.

When I started this blog in 2004, I thought I should publish the list and put my faith out there for everyone to read. As the years went by without meeting anyone who fit the bill (not even half the bill), I have accepted the fact that this man only exists in my dreams. Maturity and experience have taught me that there are certain things in life that you don’t get no matter how much you want them. So I trimmed that list down to the non-negotiables. The other stuff are superfluous anyway. I told myself that as long as he has a great character (kind and honest, specifically), a man after God’s own heart, someone whose leadership I can submit to because of his own dependence and submission to God and His will, and we both love each other, then I’ll choose him. But God had something else in mind and He had a surprise up his sleeves.

Years passed and nothing. Even with the list down to a few things, it was like finding a needle in a haystack. Well, not that I was actively looking for the needle anyway. I’ve had suitors who were fine men of character and integrity, yet somehow I didn’t feel like choosing any of them. Perhaps, subconsciously I was still hoping for “44”. Or perhaps having a boyfriend was the farthest thing from my mind. All I wanted to do was travel and enjoy the gift of life God has given me. Whatever it was, I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t in a rush to commit to anyone. And I’m glad I took my time.

On April 2018, I went back to my hometown to be with my family because my uncle passed away. It was a sad time and I didn’t plan on getting together with any of my friends because I was only there for a few days and I was not in the mood to socialize. One of my closest friends texted me and asked if I had time for a road trip. I didn’t but I figured that I could have dinner with him because he is so easy to be with plus he has a calming effect on me for some reason. He’s one of those people who has a sweet spirit that just being around him is a pleasant experience.

Dinner, coffee, and a late night conversation later, I realized how much this man has changed. In the 16 or 17 years we’ve been friends, I have not seen him the way I saw him that night. The following day after a midweek church service, we had another round of coffee and blueberry cheesecake and more deep conversations.

I remember sitting there and wondering, “Hmmm… this is interesting. M is really different. A good different. He’s someone any woman would be blessed to marry.” And it surprised me when I thought that if something else opens up for both of us other than friendship, I won’t be opposed to it. In all the years that passed between us, I never thought of him in that sense. But I left it at that and forgot about it when I came back to New York.

Four months later, in August, I went back to my hometown for the summer break. M and I went on a road trip through the mountains of Balamban (a town in Cebu) to buy some rice cakes. On that long drive, I saw a deep vulnerability that was so endearing it made me want to reach out and hug him. I didn’t but I wish I did. The conversation we had about life, past relationships, struggles, and dreams reminded me of those two nights in April and I felt our friendship deepen.

M is so genuine and honest and is not afraid to look weak; and that’s such an admirable trait. It takes strength, courage, and deep security in a great God to admit one’s shortcomings. Where most men would put up a front to appear as though they have it all together, M is not pretentious at all and I really love that about him. And did I mention that he’s one of the kindest people I know? Even his eyes are kind! I remembered what I thought about in April and it made me smile.

I think something changed (a subtle change but a change nonetheless) occurred on that Balamban trip because where in the past we only texted each other when there was some news we needed to share, our communication intensified and became more regular after that; which I chalked up to the natural progression of a friendship. Despite the thousands of miles between us, we actually got closer.

Another four months later, I went back to my hometown to spend Christmas with my family. M and I agreed to do a road trip for two days. At the end of the first day he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted. It was not a hard decision to make. I think it’s because I have already made that choice subconsciously 8 months earlier.

It’s been quite a ride so far. God has slowly been unwrapping this wonderful gift before our eyes and we consider ourselves blessed. I am definitely blessed to have this man in my life. He is quite a treasure! I’m excited to see what lies ahead, what God has in store for both us, and how He will unfold everything.

And remember that list of 44 I made? He’s a 44+. Over the past few months, I am discovering things about this man that blew my mind because they are things I didn’t ask for; they’re more like icing on the cake such as the fact that he loves a lot of the same things I love like walking, the beach, wide open spaces, photography, quiet and secluded spots, intimate weddings, puns, dogs, cheesecake, sizzling steak from Orange Brutus (a fastfood chain), Jollibee (another fastfood chain), coffee, puzzles, sunsets, the night sky, etc. It’s more like God saying, “I know you didn’t ask for it, but I’m giving it to you anyway. Because I love you that much.”

It’s really true what they say, great things come to those who wait.