Thoughts Flying On The Wings of Words

April 8, 2018

Serendipity

Filed under: Moments,People — seeking heart @ 8:52 pm

A chance encounter with an old friend reminded me of the memories I have stopped taking out of my memory box. Some I thought I have purged altogether. Not all the events that transpired on that first few months were good. But knowing L was one of the good ones.

Our meeting happened at a coffeeshop where I was reading a book while waiting for another friend. He walked in, sat across from me and said, “Do you still use the same brand of dog food?” I instantly recognized the deeply modulated voice that I almost leaped out of my seat to hug him.

L is literally my first friend in the United States. We met in Springfield, MO at a grocery store. I was standing by the pet essentials aisle and staring at the bags of dog food without realizing it because my mind was somewhere else. He stood next to me and said, “That’s a good brand. My dogs in Cebu love it.”

When he said Cebu, my heart did a little dance and I asked him if he still knew how to speak Cebuano (because his English sounded like he was born in America) to which he replied, “Lumad nga Cebuano intawon ko, Dai! Taga-asa man ka’s ato?”

My homesickness was such that I could’ve kissed him right there for simply being from my city. It turned out that he was from Minglanilla but his parents brought him to the US after highschool. He and I practice the same profession and share the same faith (Christianity). It was a Godwink for sure!

We became fast friends. At that time, he was recovering from the death of his wife and needed a listening ear and I was alone in a city where I didn’t know anyone and was simply glad to have someone to call friend. We also found prayer partners in each other. He has got to be the most intense prayer warrior I know!

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel an attraction towards him in the beginning. He is quite a stud at 6’1”, muscular, and has one of those faces that would always look young. You could not tell he’s 15 years older than me. Above all, he smells heavenly. Anyone who knows me could tell you that I’m a sucker for clean-smelling men. Hahaha. But even then I knew that he and I were not meant to be. He lost a wife, a bestfriend, and a soulmate and I had a sense that the love they had was a once in a lifetime kind and it would be hard for any woman to fill the void that she left behind.

He told me how they met in their mid twenties; two idealistic individuals who wanted to change the world. They spent a lot of time with their heads in the clouds, dreaming of anything fanciful. He told me how it took him a while before he could bring himself to confess his love. In fact, they’ve only been married two years when the accident happened.

At present, the business he and his wife started takes him back and forth between San Antonio and Cebu. He seemed happy and content. In some ways, he is different but also quite the same. He still has that quiet confidence of one who knows his place in the world and not fearful of the days to come because he has entrusted them to a faithful God. He kept me company until the friend I was meeting arrived. And we ended it with a prayer as we always did all those years ago. My heart is full.

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March 16, 2018

To Give Or To Receive

Filed under: eureka moments — seeking heart @ 10:36 pm
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It’s better to give than to receive.

I thought that I got the message of this nugget of wisdom.  But, as I was walking along Roosevelt Avenue on my way to the train station, I realized that there’s more to it than the difference in the level of satisfaction one feels when he gives rather than receives.

There is a necessity factor involved.  I would rather be giving to fulfill a need than be the one in need.  I wouldn’t mind offering days and nights of prayer for someone other than myself.  Everytime I pray for myself, I feel like I’m wasting my time because I believe that I wasn’t made for myself.  My life was meant for more than praying for my needs and making sure that I’m okey.  I was meant to intercede for my brothers and sisters.  To engage in warfare on their behalf.

It’s not a good feeling, being in need.  I have been through a very uncertain time in my life.  All I could think of was how I would survive the thought of my family’s extreme concern for my well-being during that time.  Knowing that it was affecting them so much was almost too much for me to handle.  I don’t ever want to be in that situation ever again.  I don’t ever want to have that feeling of desperation that I almost turned my back on God and forgot all of the promises that He has given me.  Extreme fear does that to a person.

Father, thank you for taking me out of that place.  You have led me on solid ground and my steps are now steady.  I am no longer filled with dread considering the what-if’s.  Thank you for never letting go of my hand. The past 12 years were both the worst and the best 12 years of my life.  It was a life of contrasts.  I was celebrating the victory of my being here but at the same time fearing that it could be taken away just as abruptly.  I was so afraid, Father.  So afraid.  But, you have comforted my fears and given me the victory and the assurance that this is my portion and my cup, my inheritance, my destiny.  And it will not be taken away from me.  Thank you for being with me all this time.  Even during the times that I uttered harsh words that wounded your heart.  My only prayer is that you don’t allow me to go through that suffering and torture ever again.  Let me be the giver, not the other way around.

February 9, 2018

Love-Trust-Love

Filed under: Thoughts — seeking heart @ 10:37 pm
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I have a lot of reasons to doubt other people. A lot of varied ways to suspect them. But, I chose to trust. Not because they trust me the same way (although that’s one of them), but because I was called to LOVE. My God has called me to LOVE. And I have learned that trust and love go together.

You can’t say you love somebody and not trust him. If you can’t trust someone, then you don’t really love him. And if you don’t love, then you haven’t gotten Jesus’ message.

It’s hard. Really, really, really hard. What if the person has proven that he’s unworthy? Love. What if the only thing he does is hurt you? Love. Oh what a very difficult command to obey.

But, God never said that we wouldn’t fail every now and then. He never said it was going to be easy.

So Father, help me!

December 15, 2017

My Name Is…

Filed under: Thoughts — seeking heart @ 11:17 pm
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Why do we call each other stupid?  Dork?  Good for nothing?

I don’t consider myself exempted from uttering those words.  In fits of anger, frustration, even during moments of mild irritation, I have muttered them under my breath.  I just couldn’t bring myself to say it to anybody’s face though.  I still have enough self-control and enough sense to consider that I don’t want to say anything that I could no longer undo.  But, a lot of people don’t think twice about making other people feel inferior by calling them such names.

Is it superiority complex?  Or insecurity in disguise?  Sometimes, I think that maybe people do it simply to get back.  They were hurt, so they want to hurt that person in return.  Words after all are very powerful.

Humans, in general, care a lot about themselves.  Their personal opinions matter and anyone who dares to contradict or belittle what they think would not escape judgement.  So the recourse of those who feel threatened is to threaten others in return.  It’s a game that most, if not all, play consciously or otherwise.

Yet, I still believe there’s hope for us yet.  As to when it’s going to happen, I have no clue.  But, don’t you call me any names.  My name is L… and I answer only to that.

November 11, 2017

Mimicking Truth

Filed under: Thoughts — seeking heart @ 1:06 am
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There are some things that I simply couldn’t shake off.  One of them is reading the thoughts of people I know and seeing something other than what they wrote.  Believe me, I don’t intentionally search for the unwritten.  And what used to come as a surprise was how I always ended up being right.  Now, it’s just something that I hope I could do away with.

It’s amazing how lies could be glossed over and glammed up or dressed down and dirtied just to mimic what is true.

October 13, 2017

No Green Jokes Please

Filed under: People,Thoughts — seeking heart @ 9:31 pm
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I absolutely hate it when men discuss women in graphic ways in front of me.

This afternoon, a colleague of mine sauntered into the room sharing his encounter with the new girl. When we asked him how she looked he said, “She’s perfect. Big boobs. Doesn’t talk. Perfect!” Had he left it at that, I wouldn’t be writing this blog entry. But he went on and on and on until every woman in that room felt so uncomfortable we all found excuses to be somewhere else.

Men who view women as a piece of meat shouldn’t be given any place in a respectable society. I understand that’s the rule instead of the exception but why are some men so insensitive as to not consider the fact that it may not be a suitable topic of discussion over lunch with 5 women in attendance. We keep girl’s talk among ourselves. Shouldn’t men do the same?

I have no objection to having fun and sharing funny stories. If I was the only one who thought that discussion to be offensive, I would’ve sucked it all in, stayed put, and tried my hardest to tolerate the atrocity in the name of camaraderie attributing my reaction to the fact that I was raised differently and therefore have to learn to adjust in order not to become a social pariah. But since that’s not the case, I would say this is not an overreaction.

Garbage in, garbage out. That’s what I believed in growing up. As much as possible, I try to not to converse with people who couldn’t seem to help themselves from blurting out green jokes every few seconds. I am not one of those really strict ones who reprimand people and tell them to stop. I politely smile and leave. And if I can’t then pray for a divine intervention (which might involve someone being swallowed by the earth, hopefully not me). I believe in living and let live. If that’s his/her idea of fun, then who am I to judge him/her and ruin the party. However, let them find somebody else who will sit, listen, and laugh because I won’t. Good thing the people in my circle are “prudes” like me. HAHAHA.

A little sensitivity is all I’m asking for, I guess. I can’t always walk around with a sign on my forehead saying “No green jokes please”. Is that asking too much?

September 16, 2017

Anchor Me

Filed under: Between God and I,Thoughts — seeking heart @ 10:19 am
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I imagine anchors are big. They should be, right? Sometimes I wish I was born to an obscenely rich clan if only to have the privilege of owning a big yacht so I can see for myself how big anchors really are. Yeah, it does sound juvenile but I have been fascinated by anchors since I learned how to sing “Popeye the sailor man”. I couldn’t draw a lot of things but I can draw them with my eyes closed.

No, I am not into sailing (at least, not yet) and I have not travelled by boat often enough, so real-life anchors have eluded me so far. But I did learn a few details from the websites of companies who make them.

The bigger your vessel, the bigger the anchor. Of course. However, it’s not just the size of the boat that they take into consideration. Wind, water surge, and the holding bottom also figure into the calculation. That got me thinking about the parallels of that sizing principle in real life.

A CEO of the biggest bank in the world (big boat) anchored by the size of his 401K (small anchor), a famous movie star (big boat) anchored by adoring fans (small anchor), a published author (big boat) anchored by his talent (small anchor)… me (small boat) anchored by a BIG God (big anchor). Who would you rather be?

FATHER, I AM SMALL AND THE SLIGHTEST OF WINDS SHAKE ME, RIG, SAILS, AND HULL. BUT YOU HAVE ANCHORED ME INTO SOMETHING FAR DEEPER THAN YOUR HEART ALL THE WAY TO THE VERY CORE. SO THOUGH THE SEAS ARE ROUGH AND THE WIND UNKIND, I SHALL STAY AFLOAT, WITH MY BILGE EXPOSED (MAYBE), BUT FLOATING. SO I SHALL KEEP PRAISING YOU, EVEN IN THE STORM.

August 6, 2017

Jesus Is The Answer!

Filed under: Thoughts,Uncategorized — seeking heart @ 11:18 pm
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Disclaimer: I am a sinful person who needs a Savior and I have no right to judge anyone. So when you read the following article please be reminded that it’s not my intention to condemn.

Homosexuality is a sin. The Bible doesn’t mince words when it comes to this. Leviticus 18:22 says, “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.” Many homosexuals in this generation claim that it’s not a matter of choice that they’re gay but that they were made by God that way. Yes, you may have been born that way, but God certainly did not make you that way. We were all beautifully and wonderfully made. If you read on, you will understand why.

Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.” However, God also created mankind with free will. He gave humans the freedom to choose between right and wrong, good and evil. Adam and Eve, the first man and woman, chose to disobey God and do that which they were commanded not to do. And because of that, sin came into the world and we as Adam and Eve’s descendants are still reaping the consequences of that sin. Because of their disobedience, the moment we are born we have in each one of us a sinful nature. What that means is we are all predisposed to lie, steal, cheat, kill, etc. It also means that all of us are predisposed to being homosexuals. And as some individuals are more prone to stealing, others to killing, so others are to being homosexuals. But we each have a choice not to indulge this sinful nature. Just because you as a man are attracted to another man, doesn’t mean that you have to act on that attraction and have sexual relations with him. It’s no different from a married man who’s attracted to another woman, just because the desires are there, and they are natural desires too, doesn’t mean he can go ahead and satisfy those cravings. We were all born with carnal desires because of our sinful nature. That’s not our fault. Blame it on Adam and Eve. But just because we have it in us, doesn’t mean we have to manifest it.

Jesus said in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I come that you may have life and have it to the full.” When Adam and Eve chose to sin on that fateful day in the Garden of Eden, they unwittingly gave Satan (the enemy) the impression that he has power over them. But that’s a lie. God never relinquished the power to the enemy even when it appeared that way and He has proven that when He sent Jesus, His only Son, to die on the cross to redeem us from our sinful nature. Trust me, God did not create anyone to be homosexuals. Just as he did not create adulteres, thieves, or murderers. God created us in His image and likeness and He has a wonderful plan for each of us. But until we get rid of our sinful nature, we will never be able to walk in that wonderful plan. Jesus is our only hope.

Some of you who are reading this may be skeptical about Jesus. But I dare you to call to Him in prayer and ask Him to save you from your sinful nature and I can guarantee that He will answer you and free you from all the shackles that are holding you captive. But don’t take my word for it, read the Bible and find out for yourself who this Jesus is and what He can do for you. I suggest you start with the Gospel of John.

God loves you and He wants you to live a victorious life. One that’s not encumbered by the consequences of bad choices, doubt, deceit, or by a sense of hopelessness.

July 14, 2017

Beautiful and Wonderful

Filed under: Thoughts — seeking heart @ 1:41 pm
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I read about Gideon today in the book of Judges and I see so much of myself in him. Gideon is not a strong man. He said so himself. He’s the least among his brothers and he belongs to the weakest tribe in Israel. But God chose him to deliver his people from the Midianites who have oppressed them.

God chooses the foolish things, the weak, the insignificant. So that when victory is won, no one can boast but only God will be glorified. So if you’re battling against insecurity today, remember that regardless of how you assess yourself, God sees value in you. Gideon thought poorly of himself but God thought otherwise.

How many times have we allowed people to make us look down on ourselves? Too skinny. Too fat. Too clumsy. Too stupid. We take the opinion of others as gospel truth, especially when 2 or more confirm it. And so much so when we agree. Before we knew it, we start comparing ourselves with others and how we can never seem to measure up.

Let us look to the cross. Everything that matters is reflected right there. If God didn’t think us too ugly to die for, what gives us (or other people) the right to contradict Him. Beautifully and wonderfully made, that’s what we are. Let’s start with that truth.

June 3, 2017

The Day I Learned To Define Adventure

Filed under: Uncategorized — seeking heart @ 9:58 am
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I have convinced myself that I am the type of person who loves adventure. As I took stock, I realized that apart from the occasional roller coaster ride, the impromptu trips to other places, and my love for travel, I have not really lived a life of adventure. Such an existence involves risk.

Last Sunday, my roommate and I went to eat at our favorite Japanese/Asian Fusion restaurant. I have been to that place a lot but I realized that of their 50 something dishes, I have only tried 7. I have always thought that it’s because I couldn’t stand food waste. I make sure that I only buy food that I know I will like and not end up throwing to the garbage. I didn’t pause to consider that maybe I don’t have an adventurous palate.

When it comes to relationships, I am not one who collects friends. My circle is not that big. I can count in one hand the number of souls I can trust my life with. Like I said in a previous post, I’m something of an anti-social. But I will go to the ends of the earth with the handful of friends that I have. They’re golden.

I’m not sure if my conclusion could be attributed to the fact that I don’t have a spirit of adventure or that I see it the wrong way. Perhaps, it’s really not about thrill rides or being lost in a new place. Adrenaline-pumping activities may really not be the soul of it. Isn’t walking out the front door to go to work everyday not an adventure in itself? Isn’t life itself an adventure considering that nothing remains the same? Change is an adventure!

All I know is that I may prefer being safely cocooned in my comfort zone, I don’t necessarily shy away from all things new. I may not be out there exploring the wildlife of America, but I walk along the streets of Times Square everyday hoping to God I don’t get trampled in a stampede. So yeah, I guess adventure is how you see it.

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