According to the Mayans, the world will end on December 12, 2012. Whether we’d choose to believe it or not, doesn’t matter. I think the question we should be asking ourselves is not whether the rumors are true but whether we are ready. I am. Should the world or my life end tomorrow, I know I am ready to meet my God, my creator, my savior.
Let us examine ourselves. Is this “deadline” stirring a fear in our hearts? If so, then what is causing that fear? Are you aware of a sin in your life that you are not ready to let go? You want to be right with God but at the same time you can’t say goodbye to your adulterous affair or to your perversions? Are you afraid of dying? Not knowing where you’re headed?
God said that we should all be ready because we do not know the day or the hour of His coming. Let’s get all our affairs in order. Read the Bible. What is God saying to you about THAT relationship? About your sexual preferences? About your addiction? God loves you. John 3:16 says, “For God so love the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not die but have life everlasting.” He knows that on your own, you can’t win the battle against sin. That’s why He sent Jesus. He died for you so you don’t have to. All you need to do is accept Him as your personal Lord and Savior. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” Jesus is the answer!
With Jesus, you can weather anything. All fear will be gone. For He is love and He is perfection. Perfect love casts away all fear. You have a divine appointment. Don’t be late.
Things happen. Four months ago, someone stole my wallet. Last month, I was stalked. And last week, someone tried to grab my cellphone. From a certain standpoint, it seemed I have been dealt an unlucky hand, 3 times in a row. It’s a good thing that I don’t believe in luck, bad or otherwise.
Thirteen years ago, I have decided to stop being a “Wednesdays and Sundays” Christian and give my whole life to Him instead. It wasn’t a hard decision to make. But staying committed to that decision was. Several times in my life, I was challenged by the world and by the enemy in not so subtle ways like that time when I thought the door of destiny was finally opening up when suddenly it was slammed on my face without preamble. I heard the voices in my head saying, “Where is your God now?” And I must admit, I didn’t know the answer to that question back then. I was so disillusioned that I started challenging God. Why would He cause me to suffer such a terrible heartache? Didn’t I obey Him to the letter? I prayed. I fasted. I obeyed. My heart and my faith was in shambles. Don’t ask me how I got over it, but somehow I did. But my relationship with Him was very strained. All because I didn’t understand and I didn’t know how to pray when it seemed that all my prayers were in vain if He was going to go ahead and do things His way anyway.
I have come a long way since that time. There are still a lot of things I couldn’t explain but I now understand that being a follower of Christ doesn’t mean you are not going to find yourself caught in a storm or hopeless situations. Whether we believe in Him or not, we’ll all have our share of tribulations. The difference between me and the atheist next door, I know I can find Jesus in the storm.
I imagine anchors are big. They should be, right? Sometimes I wish I was born to an obscenely rich clan if only to have the privilege of owning a big yacht so I can see for myself how big anchors really are. Yeah, it does sound juvenile but I have been fascinated by anchors since I learned how to sing “Popeye the sailor man”. I couldn’t draw a lot of things but I can draw them with my eyes closed.
No, I am not into sailing (at least, not yet) and I have not travelled by boat often enough, so real-life anchors have eluded me so far. But I did learn a few details from the websites of companies who make them.
The bigger your vessel, the bigger the anchor. Of course. However, it’s not just the size of the boat that they take into consideration. Wind, water surge, and the holding bottom also figure into the calculation. That got me thinking about the parallels of that sizing principle in real life.
A CEO of the biggest bank in the world (big boat) anchored by the size of his 401K (small anchor), a famous movie star (big boat) anchored by adoring fans (small anchor), a published author (big boat) anchored by his talent (small anchor)… me (small boat) anchored by a BIG God (big anchor). Who would you rather be?
FATHER, I AM SMALL AND THE SLIGHTEST OF WINDS SHAKE ME, RIG, SAILS, AND HULL. BUT YOU HAVE ANCHORED ME INTO SOMETHING FAR DEEPER THAN YOUR HEART ALL THE WAY TO THE VERY CORE. SO THOUGH THE SEAS ARE ROUGH AND THE WIND UNKIND, I SHALL STAY AFLOAT, WITH MY BILGE EXPOSED (MAYBE), BUT FLOATING. SO I SHALL KEEP PRAISING YOU, EVEN IN THE STORM.
A few years ago, a friend of mine (actually, one of my crushes) confided in me that he was in love with a certain girl. He prayed for her and asked for signs if they were meant to be together. I did that once before over a guy I so wanted to marry. All the signs pointed to a YES, mind you. But the guy turned out to be a NO. He just wasn’t the one for me. And that’s exactly what’s happening to my friend now.
A few months ago, the girl announced her engagement. My first thought was, “Yes!” Not because I want him for myself (although that may be true in some way) but because I have always felt it in my guts that they weren’t made for each other. I tried to tell him not to hope too much because although the signs said so, it may still not turn out the way he wanted it to. As it goes, I was right.
However, prior to this engagement, he was courting another girl whom I was also convinced is not the one for him. When I heard about their relationship, I was a little sad (of course), but I wanted them to work just so he’d forget the other one. Well, you guessed it. I was right again. When they separated I had a feeling that he was back to mooning over that other girl. I thought I was probably wrong but when he didn’t say anything when the engagement was announced (no comment whatsoever), that confirmed my suspicions.
I’m still waiting for him to bring the subject up. I wanted to ask him so badly out of curiousity (ok fine, I have other motives) but I’m afraid I might just add insult to injury.
What does it matter anyway? I figured that perhaps I’m not the girl for him either. I’m cool with that. I have tried several times to purge him from my system but just when I thought I’m clean, something happens and I allow myself to get into the same illusion all over again. I have never felt this before. He’s not Mr. Perfect. In fact there’s more to hate than to love. I guess I’m plain dysfunctional.
I have convinced myself that I am the type of person who loves adventure. As I took stock, I realized that apart from the occasional roller coaster ride, the impromptu trips to other places, and my love for travel, I have not really lived a life of adventure. Such an existence involves risk.
Last Sunday, my roommate and I went to eat at our favorite Japanese/Asian Fusion restaurant. I have been to that place a lot but I realized that of their 50 something dishes, I have only tried 7. I have always thought that it’s because I couldn’t stand food waste. I make sure that I only buy food that I know I will like and not end up throwing to the garbage. I didn’t pause to consider that maybe I don’t have an adventurous palate.
When it comes to relationships, I am not one who collects friends. My circle is not that big. I can count in one hand the number of souls I can trust my life with. Like I said in a previous post, I’m something of an anti-social. But I will go to the ends of the earth with the handful of friends that I have. They’re golden.
I’m not sure if my conclusion could be attributed to the fact that I don’t have a spirit of adventure or that I see it the wrong way. Perhaps, it’s really not about thrill rides or being lost in a new place. Adrenaline-pumping activities may really not be the soul of it. Isn’t walking out the front door to go to work everyday not an adventure in itself? Isn’t life itself an adventure considering that nothing remains the same? Change is an adventure!
All I know is that I may prefer being safely cocooned in my comfort zone, I don’t necessarily shy away from all things new. I may not be out there exploring the wildlife of America, but I walk along the streets of Times Square everyday hoping to God I don’t get trampled in a stampede. So yeah, I guess adventure is how you see it.
Manila is flooded. One would think that being a commercial hub, the city’s government would’ve been prepared for such scenarios like a better drainage system. Apparently that never made it to the priorities list. How utterly irresponsible. Now, hundreds have lost their homes while others their lives.
I couldn’t shake this feeling of deja vu. Something closer to home happened a few years ago. In Louisiana and New Orleans to be exact. These things don’t just happen. The hurricanes and the typhoons may not be in our hands to control but there are things that are. And anybody, even those who don’t have degrees in rocket science, can tell what those are. However moot the point is, I just wanted to throw it out there so it won’t fester in my thoughts like a bad relationship.
If there’s anything good that comes out in casualties like these, it’s that people draw nearer to God or whatever higher power they recognize. It’s also a litmus test of the human spirit. Sadly, we don’t always concern ourselves with the deity nor do we bother our pretty little heads with our neighbors when everything is all nice and dandy. Altruism is simply not the default mode in most people.
For those would like to help the victims of the flooding in Manila, Philippines, you can call the American Red Cross at 1-800-435-7669 or through any of the following websites:
Kapuso Foundation
Philippine Aid
I don’t know exactly when it started. Probably it was when I moved to New York. Or perhaps I have always been subconsciously anti-social. I never had difficulty dealing with people. Somehow, I always found a way to handle situations in society. But, to say that I love being around acquaintances is a stretch.
A week ago, an internet friend wanted to meet me while she was visiting the city. I was excited and apprehensive at the same time. All of a sudden, I didn’t know how to interact with someone I barely know. Sure, we shared some secrets in our blogs and exchanged ideas and well-wishes, and I do feel a form of kinship with her. But why was I so scared? In the end, I had dinner with her and all my fears were for naught. Although I am not saying I have overcome my fear of meeting new people, at least meeting F proved that people are really not scary.
Today, a former schoolmate asked me if I wanted to join her and a few others for dinner one Saturday. I had to qualify my “yes”. I so want to reconnect with them, even though I barely knew them back then. But yeah, I’m wondering how I’m supposed to survive the night without embarrassing myself or alienating anyone. Isn’t it weird that at my age I still have stage fright (for lack of a better term)?
So my dear silent readers, whoever you are, please pray for me, that I might come out of this with my dignity intact and without committing a faux pax that would send me in social hibernation for the rest of my life.
I have been on a “fruits only” diet since yesterday. Well, I was supposed to start last Monday but after eating a piece of mango and a bowl of mixed fruits for dinner, I was still so hungry that I ate a pack of cookies and 7 pieces of turkey bacon. I guess it’s because other than a piece of small bread, I didn’t have anything for breakfast or lunch. On Tuesday, I was more successful in curbing my appetite. Although I only ate cookies for breakfast and lunch, I didn’t feel that hungry. The same serving of fruits that I consumed on Monday was enough. Yesterday however was so much better. I didn’t eat anything for breakfast and lunch. Just water. And dinner time was also just a bowl of mixed fruits and a mango. That’s it. I was craving for something different but I was so full I wouldn’t have been able to eat anything else even if a plate of chicken and rice was handed to me. So I’m counting Wednesday as Day 1, officially.
Today makes second and my stomach is grumbling. My friend (who’s doing the same diet) told me that I could eat anything for breakfast and lunch. But I want to detoxify myself at the same time so I’m only going to eat fruits for dinner. I know I could eat fruits during the day but that would only make me tired of them faster. So, I’ll just fast during the day and hope I don’t keel over.
I have noticed that since Monday, my bowel movement has become regular. When this detox thing is done, I decided to keep eating a bowl of fruits everyday just for the sake of this new regularity.
It’s 12PM and my tummy is grumbling. I wonder if I could last the day without eating. And it’s a workout Thursday, incidentally. I’m not sure if I’d have enough energy for any cardio exercises tonight. It remains to be seen.
Yesterday I realized that I’m no longer that person who feels the need to be heard. A friend wrote something in her Facebook profile which sparked a somewhat heated religious debate. I offered a few words but didn’t bother to follow it up with what I thought were smart rebuttals. Three people were at it already anyway, so I decided to sit back and enjoy. I never thought such a spectacle could be so entertaining.
Ten years ago, such an exchange of
very opinionated ideas wouldn’t end without me giving the last word. It used to bother me that people who believe something so wrong could be so stubborn. I tried to be open-minded while really I was as stubborn as they were.
Over the years I have slowly evolved into someone who accepted the opinions of others without giving out biased comments. In a sense I was more forgiving of other people’s thoughts and in the process learned a lot about my own. But I was still out there telling people how I feel and how I think. I couldn’t stand to be silent. My thoughts needed to breathe and so did I.
Yesterday, however, I was pleasantly surprised that I was no longer itching for people to hear what I have to say. I was no longer obssessing about how to make an argument without being obnoxious. I figured there were other venues for my thoughts to breathe other than in a public forum where everyone merely wants to outwit everybody else.
Debates have always been a draw for me. I believe in the passionate exchange of ideas because iron sharpens iron. But cutting and undermining each other is not healthy at all. Good thing I have learned to get away from those kinds of iron before their rust rubs on me.
Write something everyday. That’s Madeleine L’Engle’s advise to wanna-be writers. So this is me following her counsel.
I have always been a writer. I wouldn’t say I’m exceptional at it but I love writing. It was one of the ways I expressed love and appreciation to my parents as a kid and was the outlet of my teenage angst. I kept my journals and diaries under lock and key because I was very candid with my thoughts. When I wrote for an audience, I tended to veil the real meaning of my words. I guess the fear of being scoffed or laughed at or simply ignored stopped me from wanting to be a published author. Then came the blog world.
When I first started blogging in 2003, I became acutely aware of the fact that there are writers more talented than I am. So I spaced my blog entries depending on how creative I was feeling or how interesting my subject was. But then I met wonderful souls in the blogging world who not only made me feel my thoughts are safe but also worth sharing. They were the ones who kindled the fires of a dream I never thought I had in the first place. I guess it was buried under layers of insecurity and anchored deep down by the lack
of encouragement. Since meeting A, T, J, F, M, and S, I was no longer scared to tell the world I would like to publish a book someday.
To be published, one has to come up with a work not only compelling enough but also backed by the author’s belief. And my dear readers, compelling is something I only know the definition of. It’s not a struggle to think of something I believe in and write about it. The challenge would be to slow my thoughts down at the rate of 10 words per minute.
Truth be told, I have a few lines stored somewhere in my brain that I would love to use in a book. The only problem is, those lines are like oil and water. There’s more hope for Jews and Arabs to be reconciled than the ideas in my head. I wish there was an easy way to choose a line or a topic and stick with it. Inflate it to the point of bursting and cross my fingers no one sticks a needle in it and laugh while it explodes all over my face, leaving me with nothing but a ringing in my ears and a wounded ego.
But, I shall write. Write ’till the worldwide web could no longer hold it in. One chapter a day, one part, one line. And someday I’ll stitch them all together and pray to God someone will be blessed by the scribbles of my pen (or the tapping of my keyboard).
